What's the fastest way I could by a condominium with no money?

Im financially broke... All i have is 2 dollars in my pocket. I hate living in a cardboard box with my laptop ( which is apparently dying out on me as I post this ) anyways I need a place to stay. I need to get a house. I dont want to rent a place, or stay somewhere for the temporary. I want a condominium as soon as possible. What can I do?